(no subject)

[soldiergrrrl]

One of the things that bugs me about people, and one person in particular right now, is that this person lacks...well...manners, for lack of a better word.  The person in question believes that politeness is something you reserve for...well, I'd guess almost no one. 

A rather polite email, regarding a situation that is rather delicate and fraught with emotional landmines was replied to with a couple of...short and pithy responses.  Classy.  Really, really classy. 

I mean, I'm sorry, but being rude and brusque isn't strength, it's a startling lack of it, along with lacking respect, grace and humility.  Yes, there are times when you simply must be strong, and some times when harsh language or actions are the only things that will break a situation, but unless it life or death (and yes, I mean that) why is this person's first reaction to be rude? 
 

Nothing that resembles grace here, or anything of the gentler values.  (Oh, and this person is pursuing a peerage, a Pelican, and while I think that's a noble goal, I also expect a little bit of grace and humility from the peerage.  I may not get it, but I do hope they strive towards it.)  In many ways, what I'm about to write is very focused towards knighthood, but I think it has some spillover to any peerage, including a service peerage.

If I were to talk to various people about the chivalric virtues, I'm sure I'd get wildly different answers about the order in which they should be ranked.  Some would rank Prowess as first, some Courage, perhaps others would rank them differently. 

ETA:  Each knight, or Pelican, or Laurel will rank the virtues of their peerage in different order from others and that's not a bad thing.  It simply is.  What follows is simply how I rank them, at this moment. 

For me, though, I'd probably rate them thusly:

Courage
Grace
Humility
Faith
Mercy
Honesty
Prowess

although that could change depending on my mood.  However, one of the things I'd like to think I would keep consistent is the ranking of the first five. 

Let me break them down and please realize I am still trying to learn to live up to these things in my life, both in and out of the SCA.

Courage: 

Websters Dictionary defines courage as:

1.	the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.

2.	Obsolete. the heart as the source of emotion.

 Honestly, I am not a brave person.  Not when it comes down to it.  I hate making hard choices and while I will make those choices, it's not because I'm brave, it's because I have no other choice, really.  For me, though...getting out to practice when I know I suck, when I know I'm tired and when I know I'm going to get my rear end handed to me on a war-board...that takes courage for me. 

I don't have to do it.  I can stay home, I can "forget" a piece of armor, I can do all sorts of things that would prevent me from fighting, but if I want to say that I am truly courageous, I have to learn to face my fears, my fear of looking stupid, my fear of being told "Well, that's a good girl, but you don't have what it takes, so run along and get to your sewing," my fear of hurting myself, my fear of pain.

Grace:  Defined as:

2.	a pleasing or attractive quality or endowment.

3.	favor or good will.

4.	a manifestation of favor, esp. by a superior: It was only through the dean's grace that I wasn't expelled from school.

5.	mercy; clemency; pardon: an act of grace.

And as:

Theology. a. the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God. b. the influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate or strengthen them. c. a virtue or excellence of divine origin: the Christian graces. d. Also called state of grace. the condition of being in God's favor or one of the elect.

9.	moral strength: the grace to perform a duty.

To me, grace is also in losing well, learning to accept what is without complaint or malice, and learning to adapt and overcome with a gentleness of heart.

Humility:  Defined as:

1.	the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc.

I am one person.  I touch others lives, yes, but my touch is, God willing, gentle and kind.  I am nothing greater than my friends, and nothing greater than my family.  In all things, I am a sinner, and I will attain Heaven only by the Grace of God. 

Faith:  Defined as:

3.	belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion: the firm faith of the Pilgrims.

4.	belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.: to be of the same faith with someone concerning honesty.

5.	a system of religious belief: the Christian faith; the Jewish faith.

6.	the obligation of loyalty or fidelity to a person, promise, engagement, etc.: Failure to appear would be breaking faith.

7.	the observance of this obligation; fidelity to one's promise, oath, allegiance, etc.: He was the only one who proved his faith during our recent troubles.

8.	Christian Theology. the trust in God and in His promises as made through Christ and the Scriptures by which humans are justified or saved.

For me, faith is both the easiest ad the hardest.  I still doubt some days, and I still hope that one day I will become perfect both in Christ and in my life, in and out the SCA.  This is something that ties in very strongly with humility for me.

Mercy:  Defined as:

1.	compassionate or kindly forbearance shown toward an offender, an enemy, or other person in one's power; compassion, pity, or benevolence: Have mercy on the poor sinner.

2.	the disposition to be compassionate or forbearing: an adversary wholly without mercy.

3.	the discretionary power of a judge to pardon someone or to mitigate punishment, esp. to send to prison rather than invoke the death penalty.

4.	an act of kindness, compassion, or favor: She has performed countless small mercies for her friends and neighbors.

5.	something that gives evidence of divine favor; blessing: It was just a mercy we had our seat belts on when it happened.

Strength without mercy is nothing more than bullying.  If I have power over someone, I am obligated to consider the use of that power and act with kindness, and gentleness.  This cannot be mistaken for weakness.  It is not weak to show mercy to those you have power over, rather it is a sign of incredible strength and restraint.

Honesty:  Defined as:

the quality or fact of being honest; uprightness and fairness.

2.	truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness.

3.	freedom from deceit or fraud.

All of these are important.  However, truth should be tempered with both mercy and humility, as well as a touch of grace.  Truth should not be used as a weapon to bludgeon someone, nor should it be used as an excuse for poor behaviour.

Prowess:  Defined as:

1.	exceptional valor, bravery, or ability, esp. in combat or battle.

2.	exceptional or superior ability, skill, or strength: his prowess as a public speaker.

3.	a valiant or daring deed.

Perhaps this should be a circular diagram, rather than a list, as I do think prowess, especially in the first definition, does tie into courage, and in many ways to mercy, since as you develop prowess you must also develop mercy and humility to go with it, to avoid being a bully.
 

I am nothing more than a raw beginner, and I know not if I'll ever progress further than that, but I do try to live life by these things, in and out of armor or the Society.